Cleanup on Aisle Six
by rosie4299
Summary: Written for BAF Cycle Three. Set in the WHW series by abc79de. Important Author's Note inside.


**An Author's Super Jazzed Ramblings-** So, this is written for Cycle Three of Build-A-Fic. And for Ames, because she rules and she deserves this. Basically, it's like this. I wrote this as a one shot that fits inside of Amy's What Happens When series. I'm sure you're all familiar. If not, you have, have, have, HAVE to read those stories first, or you will be completely lost. Logan is the only cannon character to be in the fic, even though I do make an illusion to someone else, and speak of Finn and Colin.

**_IF YOU DO NOT READ THE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SERIES, YOU WILL BE COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY LOST. _**

I'm saying this for your own good. Because how dumb will you look if you send me a review saying that this has nothing to do with Gilmore Girls? And we all know that someone will, and we'll all laugh and point. I'm trying to save you from that. I'm trying to be nice and kind, which is a big change from what I'd normally do. So please, do us all a favor and read the stories that Amy has so amazingly written. I think they're all on my favorites list. You especially have to know Peer Pressure, otherwise the reason why Ames and I are stuck in hell between aisles five and seven with four rugrats will be lost on you. They're amazing stories, you'll enjoy them more than words, you know, if you live under a rock and have managed to miss What Happens When, The Joys of Family, The Ties that Bind, Peer Pressure, Playing Hooky, A Bedtime Story, The Parade of the Peanut Gallery, and Hot Fun in the Summertime. I know, it seems like a lot of work, but it's worth it. And on the bright side, the last four are one shots. So they're not epic, just awesome.

So, are we properly warned and disclaimed? Good.

On with the story!

* * *

**1.) Pick your Pairing/Character****- The Yalies of Peer Pressure and a few Mommies, for good measure.**

**2.) Pick your Rating- G, PG, PG 13, R, NC 17-**** PG **

**  
****3.) Time Period- Chiltonverse, 1983, Yale, Futurefic, etc.****- Um, this is a hard one. Past in Peer Pressure and the What Happens When Universe, future in real time. I think that this would take place somewhere right after Hot Fun in the Summertime, which is a one shot in the WHW series. Did I mention that you have, have, have, have, HAVE to read the What Happens When series in order to understand this? Especially, ESPECIALLY the current story, Peer Pressure. The entire fic is an offshoot. If you haven't read it, back up, head over to Amy's profile, and read that. If you don't? You will have absolutely no idea what you are reading. And that's not very fun, is it?******

**4.) Ickle Words (Pick One)**  
**- Schmoopy – (adj) – To be sweet and adorable and cute to the point where it creates an entirely new word to describe it. **

**_Now pick two of the three:_**

**6.) Random Objects**  
- Red and/or Green M & Ms

**7.) Quotations**

- When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living. – Helen Rowland

**Title: Cleanup on Aisle Six (Who knew it doubled as the Portal to Hell?) **

**Author: rosie4299**

**Word Count: 7,027**

Redinkallovertheplace: Come on.

Grammarnazi007: No.

Redinkallovertheplace: Why not?

Grammarnazi007: Because.

Redinkallovertheplace: Because why?

Grammarnazi007: I'm too busy.

Redinkallovertheplace: Too busy to eat?

Grammarnazi007: No, too busy to play hooky with you.

Redinkallovertheplace: I'm offended.

Grammarnazi007: And I'm right.

Redinkallovertheplace: Prove it.

Grammarnazi007: Fine. What's for lunch?

Redinkallovertheplace: I was thinking Chinese.

Grammarnazi007: …

Redinkallovertheplace: What was that?

Grammarnazi007: What was what?

Redinkallovertheplace: The …'s.

Grammarnazi007: I'm waiting for the other shoe. It's about to drop.

Redinkallovertheplace: I attempt to take my wife out to lunch, and this is the way I'm treated?

Grammarnazi007: You have something more up your sleeve. I can feel it. So just tell me, where exactly were you thinking we'd get this Chinese? Beijing?

Grammarnazi007: Logan?

Grammarnazi007: Aw, did I stumble onto your nefarious plot? Again?

Grammarnazi007: I can't leave the country to get lunch with you today. I have a pile of stuff to edit, and I don't even know where my passport is.

Redinkallovertheplace: This is why I'm always telling you to keep it in your purse. Then when I want to hop on a plane to get a midnight snack in Thailand you're all ready to go.

Grammarnazi007: I'd never get on a plane in the middle of the night to get a snack in Thailand. They put peanuts in everything.

Redinkallovertheplace: It was just an example.

Grammarnazi007: Well, if you're trying to convince me to go anywhere in the middle of the night, you have to come up with a better location. Preferably one with no peanuts.

Redinkallovertheplace: How about boarding a jet for France to sample their fine cuisine?

Grammarnazi007: Ew.

Redinkallovertheplace: What's wrong with France?

Grammarnazi007: They eat snails there. And not even on a ten dollar bet.

Redinkallovertheplace: Come on, work with me here.

Grammarnazi007: Sorry. I don't have the time. Too busy having fun with my red pen.

Redinkallovertheplace: Only you would find crossing things out fun enough to skip a nice, leisurely lunch with your husband, Amy.

Grammarnazi007: It's not my fault that you can't give me an offer I can't refuse.

Redinkallovertheplace: I'm not in the mood for German food. I don't want a Wurst.

Grammarnazi007: Besides, skipping the country is called going on vacation, not going out to lunch.

Redinkallovertheplace: So what? You want to go somewhere local?

Grammarnazi007: I don't want to go anywhere at all. I'm quite content in my office, with my red pen and my stack of things to correct.

Redinkallovertheplace: Well, I could always come back home for lunch. That way you could still sit in your office with your red pen and your stack of things to correct.

Grammarnazi007: Yeah, because your coming home would be so conducive to me getting my work done.

Redinkallovertheplace: Please. It would be a business lunch between two colleagues. Keep your mind out of the gutter, Woman.

Grammarnazi007: First of all, Woman? Seriously?

Grammarnazi007: And secondly, you hate business lunches. And you don't eat with your colleagues. You don't like any of them.

Redinkallovertheplace: I like you.

Grammarnazi007: How sweet.

Redinkallovertheplace: So is that a yes?

Grammarnazi007: I'm getting tired of you.

Redinkallovertheplace: Aw, you'll never get tired of me. You love me.

Grammarnazi007: I'm currently rolling my eyes at you.

Redinkallovertheplace: Seriously though. I do need your help with something.

Grammarnazi007: No you don't. You went to Yale. You have spell check built into your computer. I gave you your very own copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves. You have no need for a copyeditor.

Redinkallovertheplace: How would you know?

Grammarnazi007: You don't even actually write anything. For any of your papers. You haven't voluntarily written anything in your whole life. Even when you were a lowly staff writer in Boston, you didn't string words together on your own volition. We had to force you. Threaten you. Blackmail you. But you never once sat down at your desk and did it because you wanted to. So trust me, as your former boss, I think I know.

Redinkallovertheplace: I'm very offended right now.

Grammarnazi007: It's your prerogative.

Redinkallovertheplace: Fine. Then I'll just go find some other copyeditor to help me. There are probably dozens of bright, young, eager women just waiting to get a chance to work one-on-one with their dashing, debonair boss.

Grammarnazi007: Sure, like dashing, debonair men want to voluntarily go have lunch somewhere that they deep fry worms the size of a human thumb.

Redinkallovertheplace: That was one time. And we never went back there.

Grammarnazi007: Because I threatened to divorce you.

Redinkallovertheplace: And it wasn't that bad. You liked that other thing, with the powdered sugar.

Grammarnazi007: Yeah, before I found out that it was guinea pig brains.

Redinkallovertheplace: Again, we never went back there. And I pinky swore that if Katherine saw it on Extreme Cuisine we wouldn't even attempt it.

Grammarnazi007: Just remember that, Slug Boy. I don't eat bugs. Or brains. Or any other kind of organ.

Redinkallovertheplace: Geez, you try to open someone's horizons, get them to try something new, and this is what happens.

Grammarnazi007: Sheep intestine is not expanding horizons. It's disgusting. You want to expand my horizons? Add a shot of hazelnut in my coffee. Maybe a dash of nutmeg or something.

Redinkallovertheplace: That is not expanding your horizons. That is changing the creamer in your coffee. Why did I marry you again, oh Boring One?

Grammarnazi007: Because I can diagram a sentence better than anyone you know?

Redinkallovertheplace: Which is precisely why I need your help. You are the very, very, very best editor I know. And I need the very, very, very best to help me, Ames.

Grammarnazi007: What do you need?

Redinkallovertheplace: You see… I have this problem.

Grammarnazi007: Problem? What kind of problem?

Redinkallovertheplace: It's my modifier. It's… dangling.

Grammarnazi007: You have a dangling modifier?

Redinkallovertheplace: I need you to help make it… undangled.

Grammarnazi007: Add a subject and a verb. Then you have a complete sentence.

Redinkallovertheplace: Oh, trust me, I have the perfect subject in mind. The verb though, I can't decide on which one I want to use the most. There are so many to choose from.

Grammarnazi007: Well, what do you want to do?

Grammarnazi007: Logan?

Grammarnazi007: Logan?

Grammarnazi007: Logan?

Grammarnazi007: Did we get cut off? Is your connection going again? I swear, you are the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. You can afford to update your internet connection.

Redinkallovertheplace: Sorry, Janice came in to give me my messages. I can't keep a straight face listening to her talk about what my meeting this afternoon is about when I'm typing dirty instant messages to my wife.

Grammarnazi007: And here I thought you were a multitasker.

Redinkallovertheplace: Oh, trust me. I am.

Grammarnazi007: Sure, sure. That's what they all say.

Redinkallovertheplace: Yeah, but remember, I am a man of action. Care to try me? Give me anything. I'll make it dirty. After all, I found a way to make grammatical terms dirty, with my dangled modifiers and all that. Give me something else. I'll text you during my meeting. They'll be droning on and on about profit margins and paper productivity, and I'll be typing explicit, highly inappropriate sex texts to you.

Redinkallovertheplace: Ames?

Redinkallovertheplace: Hey, where'd you go?

Redinkallovertheplace: Geez, this connection really does suck. Did I lose you?

Grammarnazi007: Sorry, I had to go and find a paper bag for Katherine. She was hyperventilating.

Redinkallovertheplace: What?

Grammarnazi007: She ran all the way up the stairs to my office, which was incredibly stupid of her, since she has the lungs of a five year old.

Grammarnazi007: She says hi, by the way.

Redinkallovertheplace: Well, tell her I said hi back, let her sit down, and tell her to breathe. Then kick her out. We were in the middle of something.

Grammarnazi007: Sorry, no can do.

Redinkallovertheplace: Why the hell not?

Grammarnazi007: Because she brought me brownies. And she has dish. Well, either dish or she was making a wish, I couldn't quite make it out through the wheezing.

Grammarnazi007: Nope, it's dish. She's got gossip.

Redinkallovertheplace: But I have inappropriate messages that will make you blush.

Grammarnazi007: And she has marshmallows baked into the chocolate.

Redinkallovertheplace: So that's it? Brownies trump sex?

Grammarnazi007: Sorry. But seriously, these are Katherine's brownies we're talking about here. They beat everything. Sometimes they even beat my own son.

Grammarnazi007: Wait. The dish is about Pax.

Grammarnazi007: Or a fax. Damn, why'd she have to run up the stairs? She knows she can't make it without making herself pass out.

Redinkallovertheplace: So take the brownies and tell her to come back later. We were busy.

Grammarnazi007: Katherine says that I may be a 007, but she'll actually use her license to kill on you if I don't stop instant messaging now. So I'll chat with you when you get back home after your meeting.

Grammarnazi007: Bye!

Redinkallovertheplace: Wait! This is not over!

_Grammarnazi007 has signed out. _

Redinkallovertheplace: This sucks.

--&--

"Your son has a new girlfriend."

Amy sent an unimpressed look across the counter to her friend. "I know. You told me all about her and her stupid name. Linzey. Who names their kid something like that?"

"I know, it's total child abuse." Katherine agreed, accepting the toffee marshmallow brownie that Amy slid in front of her. "But he's got a new one. A different new one."

"No more Linzey?"

"No more Linzey."

"Who is it?"

"Brace yourself." Katherine suppressed the smile that was threatening to turn up the edges of her mouth. "You ready?"

"Yes."

"You sure? Because after I tell you, there's no going back. Once this is out, it's out. You can't put it back in the bottle and forget about it."

"It can't be this bad."

"It's not bad. In fact, it's very good," Katherine assured her. "It's unbelievably good, actually. Like, so good, you'll get up and jump up and down in pure, unadulterated joy. It's so good, you'll-,"

"KATHERINE!" Amy exclaimed. "Focus. Breathe. Who is my son dating now?"

"Ready?" Katherine asked, scrutinizing her, trying to read whether or not she was prepared for the shock. "You may want to put down the brownie."

"I gave up a dirty chat session with my husband for this brownie. You're going to have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. Or wait 'til I finish it, whichever comes first. Now spill!"

"Your son," she paused for dramatic effect, "is dating my goddaughter."

"What?!" Amy choked on the piece of brownie in her mouth.

"I know!" Katherine said, equally shocked. Even though she'd known for an entire hour and a half, the knowledge still hadn't had a chance to sink in. "This is huge!"

"I'm… I'm…," Amy trailed off, trying to figure out what she wanted to say next. "I think I'm shocked."

"I know."

"This is… wow."

"I know!"

"I just, I just don't know what to say," Amy said, still processing. This was big news. Surprising news. Shocking news.

"Tell me about it."

"Is there something specific that you say when you find out that your son is dating a girl that you practically raised yourself? Did Emily Post ever write a chapter about the etiquette for this type of situation?"

"To my knowledge, no. But I stopped paying attention to her books after she published that section on how to write a notice for when a wedding is cancelled because the bride or groom is getting a sex change operation." Katherine pursed her lips, clearly not comfortable with the notion. "I mean, I get that people need guidelines for how to deal with situations, but seriously, how can you not know before you propose to someone that you wanted to become a woman?"

"Maybe he thought it was going to be like sisters, where you get to share all your clothes and exchange make up tips. You should know how that is, Finn being all… Finn and all."

"Okay, black nail polish is a completely different story than having a husband who wants to borrow your heels for a big night out on the town. And for the record, Finn has never, and will never, slip his toes into my stilettos."

"Touchy."

"I am about my shoes. They are for my feet and my feet only."

"I remember. You don't like to share."

"It's unsanitary to share shoes. People could have fungus. Or smelly feet."

"True," Amy said, chewing on a new brownie thoughtfully. "Okay, I have a question, and you have to be honest."

"Shoot."

"Is it weird that I don't think I'm shocked?"

"Shocked about what? The tranny wedding fiasco? Because I'm sure that it's happened. Emily Post doesn't just pull this kind of stuff out of thin air."

"No, about the Pax and Rosa thing. It's really not that shocking, once you think about it."

Katherine paused, biting her lip and thinking. "Nope, it's still shocking."

"Except that it's not. They were always close when they were little. Pax looked out for her, always making sure she was safe from the other boys."

"Yeah, like the big brother."

"Or like the future husband."

"That just seems wrong."

"Yes, but like Logan and Veronica, it's so wrong, it's right."

"Okay, so I love and adore my godson with every fiber of my being, but he is so not Logan Echolls. And to even for a second refer to him as such is just wrong."

"Why? My son is every bit as good as Logan Echolls."

"Yes, but we spent years watching him every Tuesday, practically salivating over him. I do not want to ever have that gorgeous hunk of a man linked to a child I helped to rear."

"Okay, you may have a point." Amy scrunched her nose, turning the subject back on track to save her sanity. "But that still doesn't mean that Rosa and Pax are any less as destined as LoVe was."

"I still don't see it."

"Don't you remember? The valentine?"

"The valentine? What valentine?"

"The valentine that Rosa gave to Pax when they were four and five," Amy prodded, trying to jog her memory. "You have to remember."

"How do you remember? I'm the one with the startlingly sharp memory."

"I found it in a box of his memorabilia a little while ago and sent it to him."

"So you didn't remember, but you expect me to?"

"Well, you do have that startlingly sharp memory."

_"I want the race car ones!" Jasper yelled to his mother, pointing at a box on the shelf. _

_"I want the race car ones, too!" Pax pointed at the same box. _

_"You can't both get the race car valentines," Katherine told them, picking up a box. "Jasper, are there any other ones you like?" _

_Carefully, Jasper looked over the selection, surveying the brightly colored cartons. "I like the robots!" _

_"I like the robots, too!" Pax said, excited about the new choice. _

_"Okay, lets try this again. Pax, besides the race cars and the robots, what do you want?" _

_"They have monsters!" _

_"Mommy, can I get the monsters, too? I love monsters!" _

_"I love monsters, too!" _

_"You can't both get the monsters." _

_"But why?" _

_"Yeah! Why?" _

_"Because you're both in the same class," Katherine explained to the five year olds in front of her. They didn't look like they were buying it. _

_"So?" _

_"Yeah, so?" _

_"So, you can't give everyone the same valentines. It's the law." _

_"It is not!" her son said, hands on his hips. It was moments like this that she knew he was her son. He was about thirty seconds to adding a foot stamp. _

_"It is too. All the parents got together and decided. No one can give the same valentines in the same class, ever. We wrote it down and everything." _

_"Like on one of Mommy's lists?" Pax asked her. _

_"Yep, exactly like on one of your mommy's lists." _

_"Because Mommy says that you always have to do everything that's on the list. Even if you don't want to do it." _

_"My Daddy says that lists are for people who don't have a life," Jasper told his best friend, his blue eyes sparkling. _

_"Oh he does, does he?" Amy asked, an eyebrow raised. She had been at the other end of the aisle, wrangling the twins, who were being even more uncooperative than the other two boys. "Well, your daddy may not be so down on lists once I put homicide on one of mine." Jasper's eyes went wide, but he stayed silent, for once in his short life. _

_"Any luck?" _

_"Yeah right," Amy chuckled, trying to remain calm. "Rosa isn't interested in anything but the single cards, and Grey here isn't interested in any cards at all." _

_"No robots, Grey?" Katherine asked the little boy, cocking her head to the side. _

_"Mom! I want the robots!" Jasper gasped, grabbing the nearest box of robot-themed valentines, holding it close to his chest. _

_"I want the robots, too!" Pax reached for a box, mirroring his friend's antics. _

_Grey made a face. "Valentines are stupid!" _

_"Valentines aren't stupid. They're fun," Amy tried to coax, but still to no avail. Greyson was not going to budge on his stance about valentines. She blamed his father for this. No child but Colin Langley's could be this set in his ways at age four. God only knew what he'd be like in fifteen years. _

_"They're not fun! They're stupid!" _

_"_ _Rosa__!" Katherine called out, hoping to catch the stray child, who was wandering away from the herd. When the little girl didn't turn around, she grew a little impatient. They'd been at this for over an hour, and no one had anything to show for it. "Rosalia Marigold __Langley__! Get back over here!" _

_"O_oo_h!" Jasper said, his mouth forming an 'O' shape. "Mommy middle-named you!" _

_"That means you're in big trouble," Pax added. _

_"The biggest trouble," Jasper continued to taunt her. "The biggest, biggest trouble. The biggest, biggest, biggest-," _

_"Jasper Thomas Edward, quit while you're behind," his mother warned. "_ _Rosa__, don't you like any of these nice ones over here? We have teddy bears, and princesses with sparkly crowns, and glittery butterflies, and lots of others. Anything catch your eye?" _

_Rosa__ shook her head no. _

_"Well, what do you like?" she asked. _

_"I like __Woodstock__," __Rosa__ replied. _

_"They make Sixties valentines?" Katherine asked. "I didn't think that 'make love, not war' was that romantic of a slogan." _

_"No! __Woodstock__ doesn't like war." __Rosa__'s nose wrinkled in confusion. She took her aunt's hand and lead her over toward the Hallmark display. "See? He's a good birdie. He doesn't want to hurt anyone." _

_"Oh!" Katherine understood now. "Peanuts! I think I saw a box of Snoopy valentines over there by Aunt Amy. Do you want to see them?" _

_Rosa__ shook her head. _

_"But they only have two of these left, Honey. We need at least fifteen for your class. Are you sure you don't want to take a second look at the sparkly butterflies? Their wings really flutter when you wave them up and down." _

_Rosa__ shook her head. _

_"What's so special about this valentine? Is it __Woodstock__? Because I'm sure that the box of Peanuts cards have __Woodstock__ on a few. Can we go check them out?" _

_Rosa__ shook her head. _

_"Okay, you have to tell me what you want. We need to pick these out so we can go home and start writing them out." Why they'd left this until the last minute was beyond her. Usually, these types of things were planned weeks in advance. But somewhere, in the flurry of winter sniffles and Saint Patrick's Day plans, class valentines had slipped through the cracks. Not to mention the fact that Miel had been called away to a photo shoot in __Mozambique__ and left Grey and __Rosa__ in their father's charge. While Colin was more attentive than his father before him, he didn't really understand that valentines were important or that showing up to school on February 14th without them was not an option. _

_"I want __Woodstock__." _

_"If we get you __Woodstock__, will you pick a box of valentines out for your class?" Katherine didn't know why this valentine was so special, and she really didn't care. All she knew was that she still had to bake forty cupcakes for the class parties the next day, and the more time they spent in the store, the less time she had to get them all done. _

_Relief washed over her when __Rosa__ pondered for a moment, and then nodded her head in agreement. "_ _Ames__! We have a decision over here!" One down, three to go. They could handle this. _

_"Gramma! Gramma!" A little girl only a few feet from Amy and the boys was jumping up and down, holding a box out for inspection. Her curly brown pigtails poked out from underneath a woolen Yankees cap. "Gramma, look at these! They're so pretty! Gramma, can I have them? Can I? Please?" _

_"See, __Rosa__, the butterflies are a good choice. Everyone likes a good sparkly butterfly valentine!" Amy encouraged, handing her would-be niece a box like the other little girl had. _

_"Nuh uh!" Jasper scrunched his face, his clear blue eyes narrowing into slits. "Boys don't like butterflies! Only girls like butterflies!" _

_"Girls are stupid!" Grey piped in, clearly in a mood. Nothing was right with him today. Everything, according to him, was stupid. _

_"Yeah!" Jasper said. _

_Pax, who stood next to him, agreed. "Yeah!" _

_"Does Jasper know about Finn's love for the North Eastern Swallowtail?" Amy asked Katherine as they watched the children squabble. "Because that isn't exactly the manliest of the butterflies." _

_"Nor is calling a butterfly a flutterbee, but it's difficult to argue with someone when you can't stop giggling at them for being such a sissy," Katherine answered with a smirk. _

_"Girls are not stupid!" the little girl yelled back, her pigtails bobbing up and down. "Boys are stupid!" _

_"Nuh uh! _

_"Yuh huh!" _

_"Oh, the arguments of the young and unvocabularied," Katherine sighed, stifling her laughter. _

_"But it's cute. They're so impassioned." _

_"Els, be nice," the older woman said, tugging on her hand. "We have to get back to the inn, or we'll miss your mommy and daddy, and then you won't get the chance to give your pretty cards to your class." _

_"But I could give one to Michel, and one to Sookie, and one to Davey, and one to Will, and one to Anna, and one to…." the little girl's voice trailed off when they turned the corner, but not before she took the chance to stick her tiny tongue out at the gaggle of boys who had been mocking her. _

_"Paxton Huntzberger, that was not nice," Amy scolded her son, now that the excitement had passed. No matter how cute they had been, she didn't want him to think that it was acceptable to make fun of someone. "You know better than to call someone stupid." _

_"And girls are not stupid." __Rosa__ added, shaking the hand that clutched her precious __Woodstock__ card at him. _

_"They are too." _

_"_ _Rosa__'s a girl. Do you think she's stupid?" _

_"Rosa's not a girl," Pax informed his mother, rolling his eyes. "She's a… she's a __Rosa__." _

_"She may be a __Rosa__, but she's still a girl." _

_"Nuh uh," he disagreed, turning to __Rosa__. "Girls are stupid. __Rosa__'s not stupid. So __Rosa__'s not a girl." _

_"I am too a girl!" __Rosa__'s mouth twisted into a frown. "And I am _not_ stupid. You're stupid!" _

_"Nobody is stupid." Amy stepped in before things could get any more heated. "Geez, Pax, do you want to at least fit her with a false nose before you drown her to prove whether or not she's a girl?" _

_"Depends. Do girls float, like ducks, or do they sink, like very small rocks?" Katherine quipped, unable to turn down a good Monty Python reference. _

_Rosa and Pax looked at each other. "Grown-ups are weird," he said, forgetting their tiff. __Rosa__ nodded. _

_"Grey, do you see anything you like?" Amy asked, trying to steer them back to the task at hand. He stared up at her grumpily. "Okay, do you see anything you don't hate?" _

_"No! I hate valentines! Valentines are stupid!" _

_"Aw, come on. There has to be something you like." Katherine scanned the shelves, plucking two boxes from the selection. "I have fire trucks, and I have G.I. Joe. Which one do you want?" _

_"I want to go home!" he yelled, taking off down the aisle. _

_"Oh, no you don't," Katherine muttered, taking off after him. She rounded the corner, disappearing from sight in hot pursuit of the four-year-old boy. _

_"_ _Rosa__, did you pick your valentines yet?" Amy asked, trying to get this over with. _

_"I want the bug ones!" __Rosa__ pointed to the box just out of her reach. The picture on the front displayed brightly colored bugs with scary, pointed teeth and menacing eyes. Not exactly what Amy thought a kiddy valentine should look like, but a decision was a decision. She wasn't going to be nit picky. _

_"But I wanted the bug ones!" Jasper gasped, his mouth dropping open. _

_"I wanted the bug ones, too!" _

_"Well, to be fair, __Rosa__ picked them first. You guys will have to squabble over the monsters and the fighter jets." _

_"But Mo-om!" Pax whined. "I don't want the monsters. I want the bugs!" _

_"Well, you can't get the bugs. __Rosa__'s getting the bugs." She tried to reason with him, looking at a few other boxes, trying to see what else there was that could appease him. Her eyes had just rested upon a box of ninjas when a loud crash could be heard from a few aisles away. Her heart stopped, and she hoped that it wasn't what she thought it was. _

_"GREYSON MASON __LANGLEY__!" Her heart sunk, hopes dashed. _

_"Uh-oh," said Jasper, knowing that tone in his mother's voice. That was the one she used when he had been especially bad. _

_"Uh-oh is right, kiddo," Amy breathed, not even sure she wanted to know what he'd destroyed. _

_"I can't believe you!" Katherine ranted, able to be easily heard from at least another aisle over. "You just took out that entire rack of Harry and David chocolates. Do you know how much those cost? More than you do, that's for sure!" _

_"Making me run after you. These are new shoes! Your Auntie Jackie just sent them to me! You can't run in new shoes! And I'm not supposed to be running anyway. Do you want me to drop down dead on the floor? Is that what you want? Huh?" _

_Amy didn't say anything when they finally rounded the corner. It took a lot for her to remain impassive though, once she finally saw them. Katherine had Grey by the straps of his overalls, literally carrying him back, his feet nowhere near the floor. His little arms were crossed, no longer fighting to break free of her hold. _

_"Are they done yet?" she asked, still not releasing him. _

_Amy shook her head. "Rosa chose the bugs, and now Frick and Frack want them too." _

_Katherine took a quick glance at the shelves. Grabbing three different boxes, she dumped them into the basket that lay on the ground near her feet. "Jasper, you are getting the race cars." She shot him a look, and the protest he'd been about to make died in his throat. "Pax, the airplanes are all yours, and Grey, since you thought it was so amusing to ruin that display table, you get the lovely circus animals, complete with clowns and funny hats." _

_"_ _Ames__, can you go pay for these? And make sure to use Colin's card when you pay for the wreckage." She turned and started to stalk off down the aisle, Grey still in tow. _

_"Where are you going?" Amy asked, almost afraid of the answer. _

_"I saw some Christmas M&M's on clearance in the candy aisle that Grey murdered. Since he seems to be so fond of holiday candy, he's going to help me separate the red one from the green ones," Katherine told her, tossing her hair over her shoulder, leaving them alone once more. _

_"Make sure to have him do two bags!" Amy called after her. "Because I'm going to want at least a bag of green ones all to myself!" Cringing as she heard another crash come from the direction the pair had disappeared to, Amy turned around and started to herd the remaining children toward the checkout counter. The less time they all spent in the store, the more likely it was that the store would remain standing after they left. _

"Oh, God, I remember that now," Katherine groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Grey knocked out half the candy aisle, then got loose, and then killed a whole row of valentines back in the card aisle."

"How could you possibly forget that? It cost Colin like, four hundred dollars in damages for one measly box of seven-dollar valentines."

"I'm pretty sure I repressed that particular day."

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault, you didn't raise that holy terror."

"I blame Colin."

"Me too."

"So how did you come across this intel, anyway?" Amy asked, popping another bite of brownie into her mouth. "I mean, this isn't exactly run-of-the-mill gossip. Even you couldn't get someone to cave about this with just a brownie."

She narrowed her eyes when her friend didn't say anything. Katherine looked rather shifty, in fact, and Amy had a sneaking suspicion that she'd done something that she shouldn't have. "Katherine, what did you do?"

"I did nothing for which I should be ashamed."

"I repeat, what did you do?"

"I did nothing wrong."

"Yeah, right."

"Seriously."

"Sure."

"I'm telling you, it was completely innocent; nothing too devious."

"Yeah, but nothing too devious, and nothing too devious for you are to completely different things," she said, staring her down.

Katherine stared back, before letting out a sigh, relenting. "Okay, fine. I'll tell you. You ready?"

Amy rolled her eyes and nodded.

"So, I get this call late last night from Jasper, telling me that he needs brownies, as soon as humanly possible," Katherine started her tale at the beginning.

"What else is new? They're always requesting brownies."

"Yes, but these, shockingly, were not for him."

"Who were they for, then?"

"Ella."

"Ella?" Amy's mouth dropped open.

"Ella."

"Wow."

"I know," Katherine agreed. "Her grandfather is dying, and Jasper wanted her to have a little comfort food."

"Your brownies are the best comfort food."

"Yes, they are. It was too late to make them yesterday, and you know as well as I do that if I put brownies out at night, there will be nothing left in the morning, since Finn is such a hog. So I got up early this morning and had made seven batches before dawn."

"You can get up before dawn?" Amy didn't believe it. "You?"

"I can get up before dawn."

"I didn't think that was possible."

"Her grandfather is dying. Chocolate is pretty much required."

"Yeah, I suppose."

"So anyway, I pack up all these brownies, which took forever, because Rosa wants her S'mores, and Jasper will only have almonds in his Snickers brownies, and God forbid anyone expect Pax to live without the Turtle ones he loves so much, and-,"

"KATHERINE!"

"Right. And when I get to Yale, which took forever, because there was construction, I bring them to the boys' dorm, and Jasper flips out!"

"What? Why?"

"It's actually really cute. He's been playing the secret admirer to Ella, and these brownies were supposed to be another gift from him."

"So you blew his secret with your kindness?"

"Would it have been so hard for him to just say, 'Mom, I need you to bring me brownies for Ella, the girl I'm secretly in love with and am trying to woo. Don't bring any for the rest of us, I'm trying to remain anonymous.' I don't think it would be that hard!"

"He's a boy. He never thinks of all the angles."

"I know that, but he had to have known that I would make them for everyone. When was the last time I made just one batch?"

"I think it was when you started to make them, and then realized that Pax and Jasper ate all of your baking chocolate."

"I remember that," Katherine said. "I wanted to kill them."

"Especially after they got their chocolaty paw prints on your white carpet."

"Why didn't they do that kind of stuff at your house? Why was it always my white rugs getting ruined?"

'Because I wasn't the insane one that decided a white carpet would survive a seven year old."

"True. Anyhow, he went even more nuts when I said I was going to go down and drop off the brownies for her and Rosa."

"Well, he probably didn't want you to get caught."

"No, it was more than that. He has this panicked look in his eyes and stammered something about Rosa maybe having company."

"Company?"

"Company."

"I bet the antennae went up at that one."

"Of course! But I didn't get a chance to ask him what kind of company she was entertaining because he darted out of the room with the brownies in hand. So naturally, I started to poke around. His bookshelf was in serious need of re-alphabetizing."

"He's only been there a month! How has he done enough reading to screw up your system already?"

"I don't know, but he had more books on his floor than he did on his shelves. And as I was in the middle of dividing them into genres, I found something very interesting."

"Oooh, what was it?"

"Something very precious to your son."

"His lucky sixpence?"

Katherine gave her a look. "And you say that Jasper is weird for holding his breath and lifting his feet when he passes a cemetery. Pax is the only nineteen year old to have a lucky sixpence since the American Revolution. No. His day planner."

"WHAT?!" Amy choked on her coffee. "But he can't live without his day planner! It must be a mistake."

"It said 'Property of Paxton Avery Huntzberger' on the information page in addition to two emails and three emergency contacts in case he loses it. Plus, when has my kid ever been the owner of a monogrammed, leather-bound day planner? He's a member of the Post-it revolution."

"But what was it doing in there? Did Jasper decide to inflict torture on him because of Ella? Because that is just way beyond cruel and unusual, to take his planner away. His whole life is in those pages."

"I know, so imagine my shock when I find it in a pile of books in my son's room. Then it got even more interesting."

"Oooh, what happened?"

"One of the entries said ' Rosa.'"

"And nothing else?" That didn't sound like Pax. She had taught him to be specific and fill out each entry.

"Just ' Rosa.' And that's not all. There was also a note to ask his very favorite godmother for the directions to Belhurst Castle."

"The home of the best chocolate cake in the entire world? Why would he need that?" Belhurst Castle wasn't a casual dating spot. It was a place to go when you wanted to impress and romance.

"That's when I knew that something funny was going on. And then Jasper came back and practically had a panic attack, grabbed the planner from me, and shoved it under his bed."

"That's a little extreme."

"I know. It took me awhile, but after a lot of arm twisting, I finally found out that Rosa and Pax have been deblinded and are seeing each other."

"This is insane."

"I thought you said that you didn't think that you were shocked?"

"I know, but, seriously. My son is in love with Miel's daughter. This isn't something that just happens."

"Well, Jasper said that Rosa and Pax had a fight about him and Linzey, which was really more about him and Rosa. One thing lead to another, and finally all this touchy feely crap spilled out, and they've been schmoopy in secret ever since."

"Jasper certainly was chatty," Amy commented, taking everything in. "What did you threaten him with?" Her eyes narrowed when her friend didn't answer. That was never a good sign. "Just tell me."

Katherine said nothing. It had to be something pretty mean if she didn't want to say it out loud.

"If you don't tell me, I'll tell Finn exactly what happened to the bumper of his Jag," Amy threatened. That was sure to make her cave. No one enjoyed admitting that they ran into a parked car backing out of their garage.

With a dropped jaw, Katherine looked at her in disbelief. "You wouldn't!"

"Tell me."

Making a face, she relented. "Fine. I told Jasper I'd fink him out to Finn about my birthday present."

"How can you fink him out when you found out about it through your brother's best friend's cousin?"

"Because Finn was dense enough to hire Milton as his contractor, even though he had to realize that he has the same last name as Robert. He'd totally believe that I found out about my surprise house from Jasper."

"But you didn't find out about it through Jasper. And to make him think that would be really mean, even for you."

"Relax, I was never going to do it. I have a heart, you know. I just wanted to make sure he knew I meant business."

"Still, that was really mean, to make him think that you'd rat him out. He's been very fragile lately."

"I know. There have been a great many late night phone calls to Finn lately. I guess he was getting suggestions for his secret admirer gig."

"Finn is a hopeless romantic."

"I know. He's working so hard to surprise me with this house, I think I'm going to let him. After I make a few changes in the reconstruction, of course. I've been working with Milton on one or two small alterations. Finn will never notice."

Amy sighed, sitting back in her chair to absorb. And to think she had thought today would be uneventful and boring. "So what are we going to do about this?"

"What do you mean?" Katherine asked.

"About Pax and Rosa."

"We could let them be, have them come to us when they're ready."

Amy looked over at her, not sure she'd heard correctly. Katherine Wellington, queen of meddling, just suggested letting someone live their life without any outside prodding.

"Or, we could go up for a visit, try to catch them in the act." Now that sounded like her friend.

"Let's go," she said, standing up and grabbing her purse.

"I'll race you to the car."

"Oh no. No more running for you today. We're going nice and slow. I am not spending an entire afternoon in the emergency room once your lungs give out from all the activity. I'm driving."

"I could drive," Katherine offered as she put the cover back on the container of brownies she brought with her.

"No, you can't. The last time you drove it took us fifty-five minutes longer because you wouldn't make a left turn across three lanes of traffic. I am not doing that neurotic detour you always do."

"Oh! Did Miel tell you that Colin's father is getting married yet again?" Katherine asked, putting her jacket back on.

"I know! His twenty-six-year-old secretary. Talk about robbing the cradle."

"When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living. She's young enough to be his granddaughter!"

"This is the third step-grandmother for Rosa and Grey in the last five years. It's getting a bit sick."

"Poor Colin. His new mommy is only seven years older than his daughter."

"No, poor Miel. Her new monster-in-law is only seven years older than her daughter," Amy corrected, locking the door behind her.

"She's barely old enough to rent a car," Katherine snickered, climbing into the passenger seat. "Grey was hitting on her the last time he went to visit Andrew."

"That's just wrong." Amy looked disgusted.

"So wrong, it's right?" Katherine teased, remembering her earlier comment.

"No, so wrong, it's just plain wrong."

--&--

Redinkallovertheplace: Hey, Ames.

Redinkallovertheplace: You there? Are you just invisible?

Redinkallovertheplace: Hiding from me?

Redinkallovertheplace: So what was the big emergency? What was so important that Katherine nearly killed herself to share it?

Redinkallovertheplace: So, I'll be heading into my meeting in a minute.

Redinkallovertheplace: You know, in case you want to put down the brownie and shoot me an inappropriate text message or something.

_Redinkallovertheplace has signed out. _

_

* * *

_

Again, if you are lost, and you made it all the way to the end and still have no idea what's going on, that's your own fault. I warned you good and proper!

Let me know what you think!


End file.
